Creating the Trauma Informed Martial Space pt. 1

Creating the Trauma Informed Martial Space pt. 1

Hold your jokes until the end…

One evening while I was teaching the adult class in the dojo that I helped run, one of my female students broke down mid-class and walked out to her car in tears. In that moment, I pulled a senior student to continue the class and, with heart and mind racing, I rushed out to check on her. I was around 17 at the time. I caught up with her sitting in her car mid-breakdown. I was fortunate enough that she trusted me and that she didn’t withdraw further or drive away. Not only did she stay but we had built a report strong enough that she rolled her window down to allow for connection and conversation. During this heart-to heart she confided in me that she had been raped years ago. That she had been to nine martial arts schools in the past seven years and had stuck with us because it was the first one she felt comfortable with. I shared my own traumas with her, we shared a cry, and then I invited her to come back into the dojo and work on the points of frustration away from the class. Just offering my support and understanding was enough in that moment. But that moment taught me the value of being open and honest with our students. As well as the value in curating the correct space within our dojos.

A colleague of mine wrote a blog recently about the disservice we do to the art of BJJ when we sexualize it. I am sure that most of us, myself included, have experienced a training environment where sexual jokes were made, and some of us even participated in those jokes.

I will also start by saying that we as Sensei, Sifu, Coach, Instructor, Teacher, or any other title we happen to pick up, co-create the environment within the training space. We lead by setting the intention and requesting that all others within the space support the vision as we continually express the intent through verbal and nonverbal means. I am also not suggesting that we remove the fun or the jokes from our sacred spaces. But we do need to ask ourselves, what does the space do for others? How is this curated space helping or hindering our students’ personal and individual growth?

Sure, jokes of a sexual nature can be fun, and in some cases even effective technique for distracting an opponent. Pulling someone close and whispering, almost lovingly into an ear, “you smell different when you’re awake” can be the exact tool needed to get your opponent to lower their guard. But at what cost? The expense of alienating, or worse, re-traumatizing a student.

As a martial arts instructor, I am teaching individuals how to defend themselves, or at least how to navigate some extremely uncomfortable situations. While doing so, do I ever stop to take inventory of their needs, issues, or concerns? Or am I allowing my Ego to be the driving force, only teaching the cool things I have known in a way that I would like to see the material presented?

And what does the one-off sexualized comment do to the victim of sexual abuse? Or to the student who is currently in an abusive relationship and is attending your classes to gain the confidence needed to leave that harmful space? Are we empowering OR are we reinforcing past and present traumas?

The original argument against sexualizing BJJ was the disservice it did to the art itself, and while I agree, I do think it is substantially larger than that.

**In the United States, it is estimated that 423,020 people aged 12 or older are victims of sexual violence each year.  **

**Key Statistics on Prevalence and Scope:**

- Nearly half of women and over one in six men experience contact (or non-verbal) sexual violence in their lifetimes. Over one in five women and one in 31 men report attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.

- Annual Incidence: On average, a sexual assault occurs nearly every minute in the U.S.

- Most female rape survivors (over four in five) and male rape survivors (almost eight in ten) were first victimized before age 25.

- The majority of sexual assaults (68.5%) happen at or near the victim's or a relative's home.

- In 8 out of 10 reported rapes, the perpetrator is known to the victim.

**Reporting and Justice System Statistics:**

- Only about 40% of rapes and sexual assaults are reported to the police. Reasons for not reporting include viewing it as a personal matter or fear of reprisal.

- For every 1,000 sexual assaults, around 50 results in arrest, and approximately 25 perpetrators receive a prison sentence.

- The rate of false reporting for sexual assault (2%-10%) is a little different to the reporting rate of other violent crimes.

**Disproportionate Impact:**

- Sexual violence disproportionately affects people of color, the LGBTQ+ community, and individuals with disabilities.

- Race/Ethnicity: Half of American Indian and Alaska Native women experience sexual violence in their lifetime.

- LGBTQ+ Community: Nearly half of transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming individuals report sexual assault or rape in their lifetime.

- Disability: People with disabilities are three times more likely to experience sexual violence than those without disabilities.

**Domestic violence, often referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), affects millions of people annually across all demographics. **

**Key Statistics on Prevalence and Scope:**

- More than 10 million people are abused each year in the United States. This averages to about 20 people per minute.

- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

- 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g., beating, strangling).

- About 1 in 3 female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner.

- Firearm Risk: The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%. On average, 57 women are shot and killed by an intimate partner every month in the United States.

- Stalking is a major predictor of lethality; 76% of women killed by their intimate partners were stalked by them first. (It is important to note that most attackers are individuals that are known by the victim.)

- Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families, with roughly 63% of homeless women reporting a history of abuse.

**Reporting and Justice System Statistics:**

Many cases are never reported due to fear or shame. Estimates suggest that only about 34% of people injured by partners receive medical care, and only about half of physical abuse incidents are reported to police.

**Disproportionate Impact:**

- Approximately 85% of domestic violence victims are women.

- Domestic violence occurs at similar or higher rates in LGBTQ+ relationships; for example, 44% of lesbian women and 61% of bisexual women experience IPV compared to 35% of heterosexual women.

- Women between the ages of 18 and 34 are at the highest risk for victimization.

- 45.1% of Black women and 55.5% of Indigenous women experience physical IPV in their lifetimes, rates significantly higher than for other racial groups.

- Approximately 325,000 pregnant women are affected by domestic violence each year, with homicide being the leading cause of death for pregnant people in the United States.

- Women with disabilities have a 40% greater risk of IPV than those without.

The numbers are staggering and clear. Most victims knew their attackers first. And as they walk through our doors looking for safety only to be greeted by an environment that makes light of things they may have experienced? This is not only asking them to pick a martial arts, or an instructor; which is already a challenging task. But in some regards also asking them to pick their next attacker.

As a martial arts instructor, we can acknowledge that we usually do not know the level, effect, or existence of trauma with our students. It is best to assume that all have some understanding of and living scars surrounding trauma. We can create space, or rather create and hold space, for all to heal from the unsaid. We can cultivate spaces and also encourage others to follow in nurturing those spaces. We can intentionally respecting the likelihood of the existence of trauma. I do not propose that we remove fun from the dojo, but rather create the environment that fosters fun for all without the risk of alienating some of those that need the art most.

If you or someone you know is or has experienced sexual assault or domestic violence, please seek help through your local law enforcement office or one of the following:

National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/

Call 1.800.799.7233

RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline

https://rainn.org/help-and-healing/hotline/

Call 800.656.4673